But yesterday, it became an unexpectedly beautiful time.
So I was channel-hopping and came across this documentary that Channel U was running on locating Singaporeans in obscure place around the world.
This repeat episode happened to be about a Singaporean, Ms. Yeen-Lan Lam and her work in a Rafiki Village in Kenya. The Rafiki Foundation, as I understand it, is an organization that provides health and educational aid to the needy in Africa. Specifically, Rafiki is a Christian mission organization that seeks to show God's love in a practical and tangible way - through His people and their works in His name.
Whilst what drew me to the programme at first was the chioh host, as well as the fact that it WAS about Africa (which I always have had a heart for), I was practically glued to the screen after the first three minutes.
This particular episode was about the Rafiki Village in Kenya which Ms. Lam runs.
So Rafiki provides medical care to the sick in the surrounding area for free. According to Ms. Lam, the clinic opens at like 7 am but they have hordes of people queueing outside the clinics from 3 am - hundreds of queue tickets are given out in the morning (could be thousands, I didnt catch the stats, but it is alot of sick people).
The clinic stops giving out tickets after a certain count because it is literally not safe for people to travel after dark. I was struck by the fact that the sick people look forward to the first thing that the medical personnel does when the clinic opens - no, it's not the free medicine or consultations. The medical personnel breaks into praise (of God) and prayer for the people (like a mini service) before commencing the day's work of caring for the sick.
To quote Ms. Lam, the staff want to not just care for the physical needs but to minister hope and love into the lives of the Africans.
Here, I saw how people, professionals who left their home countries to give of their lives to complete strangers, regardless of race and religion.
In the documentary, we had this Angmorh doctor speaking and smiling to an African man (who was like 94!) - speaking and smiling through the African's grand-daughter - and the doctor was just commenting on how happy, hearty and hale the man was.
I dont know if i should say, despite his circumstances [his circumstances being his being very old, and poor and not having a career and having to trouble a long long long long way to see a doctor], but "despite his circumstances", not having his spirit snuffed out. To quote the doctor, "this young man (and I believe he is at heart!) is such a joy to me whenever i see him!".
The other thing that brought tears to my eyes was the work done by Rafiki for the orphans in Kenya. 
These children are legally adopted by the Foundation and organized into family units, under the care of an African lady who would be their Mama. Siblings are kept together, and each cottage lives together as a family – eating, going to church, playing, and working together. The children and the mothers bond as family.
There was this scene really pierced me to the quick.
So Ms Lam and the host was going around after meal time to visit one Mama (Mama Faith, to quote the kids) putting her kids to bed. This little African girl was saying the bedtime prayer for all, I suppose they take turns. But my heart surged to hear her simple child-like prayer,
"Thank You God for uncles. For aunties. For mamas. In Jesus' Name we pray, Amen."
These kids have no parents.
The first person they thank God for are uncles and aunties. Men and women, unrelated to them, but who have chosen to give their lives to these young people. And the child was not ungrateful. She was not lamenting her destitute and unfortunate state.
She was grateful. She was genuinely giving thanks.
Actually.
The documentary hit me alot harder than I thought it would.
I remember this scene where Ms. Lam was standing outside the school and there were these kids But looking at the children running around - all of them so young, some barely knee high! All of them so eager to be in school and having a meal, my eyes were wet (to which I am grateful that my heart is not so cold). I guess part of it was because I saw another Singaporean choosing to give up her life with her family to be in Africa. And I saw joy and contentment in her speech and life. I saw how isolated that place was - you know, ulu and all. You dont get no pradas and LVs and spas and beach side resorts there. And yet I saw the children just surrounding Ms. Lam.
I found myself asking whether I would ever be happy doing something like that. And to my grateful (and relieved) surprise, I found myself recognizing, yes.
Not a YES! But a "Yes". Resolute, firm, daunted, and especially, vulnerable. But nevertheless a Yes.
You see, I recall a conversation I had with Daniel Kalai and his wife over dinner just a few weeks back. We were talking about some general stuff and my career and life and I remember making a statement, "I want to have an illustrious career larh". And I think at the point of making that statement, I suppose I meant it.
And I am very sure it was because at that point in time, whilst stuffing pepper crab into my mouth, I forgot that there are other things in life that are very important to me too.
You know, it scares me how easy, how so very easy, it is for people to forget the stuff that life is made of.
I hope and pray, by God's grace, I wont be the sort that would run out and build my own kingdom - but the fact of the matter is where we finally end up is happening right now. We wont wake up one day and find ourselves a different person - we become that person. It's a process. Through the decisions we make each day. The people we choose to spend time with. The things we choose to do. Or do without.
I talk alot about choice. But it's true. In criminal law we have actus reus (which is the act itself) and mens rea (which is the mental element to commit the crime) - most crimes need both elements to be a CRIME in the strict sense of the word.
It's the same with life. We choose to lead the life we wanna lead.
The mission of Rafiki resonates with me, "Since our goal is to develop these children to be godly contributors to their countries in Africa, we do notfacilitate the adoption of these children out of their countries, nor do we plan on educating them in the UnitedStates. Instead, we will raise and educate them in their home countries so that they will remain and provide themuch needed leadership and help in their own culture".
I cant bring no accolades into the grave with me. Heck, I dont want to. I pray so hard that God would help me to remember that life is not just about me and what I want - but there are alot of people out there who need heroes, and more importantly, a Saviour.
I am really thinking about just how I can live a life that reflects the really important things in life. You know, the balance between your God-given dreams and passions, as well as the world out there needs love and hope.
When I was in JC, my best friend (not the chioh bu, the other one, heh) got me reading the Little Prince.
Which has been like translated into ten million languages (okay not ten million but alot alot) because it's so beautiful - a children's story written for adults (like the Chronicles of Narnia). Anyhows, there are lotsa quotes from that book, and one of it is that spoken of by the Fox (whose philosophy the little prince learnt alot from):
The Fox: It's only with the heart that one can see clearly. What's essential, is invisible to the eye.
True ain't it?
May we always remember to see from the eyes of our heart.
